Chapter 8 - The Expected Message
"So you're saying the madmen outside the door banging are trying to take over the castle?" said Lord Leo.
"Exactly," said Walter.
"We need more privacy from these..." Lord Leo selected a word that would fit. "These... complete idiots."
Lord Leo got up from his squashy chair, and the whole wad of green suddenly poofed out. Lord Leo quickly unbolted the door. "I'd advise you to get out of sight of those guys near the door. Lord Leo started to open the door. Walter looked around, and dived headfirst under Lord Leo's green bed, and landed in a particularly uncomfortable position.
Walter peered out from under the bed, and tried to shift to a more comfortable position without making too much noise. As soon as the door opened, he saw two masked men, with knives, ready to strike.
"Hello," said Lord Leo casually. "What would you gentlemen be wanting?"
The masked guys immediately dropped their weapons. "Um, we were just coming in to say hi," said the guy with no weird accent.
"Oh," replied Lord Leo. "Well, you must be tired to have journeyed so long to say hi to me. Do come in and have a cup of tea with me, and remove your sweaty masks. They look too good for you."
"Oh no, we couldn't possibly accept," said the same guy. "We have cups of our own, and we really must be going. "
"Such a pity to come so far just to say hello," replied Leo, not looking disappointed at all. "Well, I hopefully won't need to see you again. And definitely don't need to get too hot as you have done in your masks." Lord Leo then promptly slammed the door in their faces, and bolted the door again. The masked men didn't knock on the door anymore.
Walter climbed out from under the bed, grunting and groaning and rubbing his bruises. "Nice try, but those losers aren't that stupid," he said. "We need to find a way to figure out who these guys are, and if there are more of them."
"First I need to hear what you heard from them," said Lord Leo.
So Walter explained the whole chapter seven, replacing "Walter" with "I", and "him" with "me". Lord Leo asked a question or two in the middle, and Walter answered the questions as best he could. After the story, the lord of the castle scratched his beard in thought.
"So I should be expecting a message from another kingdom," said Lord Leo thoughtfully. "Alright. I'll be prepared for that."
Many weeks passed, and no messages had come. Winter slowly faded into spring, and the snow began to melt. Walter decided that the masked men had given up on trying to take over the castle. Apparently, Walter was just too awesome for them.
Little did Walter know that, although he was awesome (like me), the bad guys were not idle.
The trade fair ended, and many people went out of town. This included many peasants, noblemen, and other people, and to Walter's relief, Merek went out with a group of peasants, too.
The fires continued, though, which meant that nobody that went out had any plans to take over the castle.
One day, a soldier wearing a bascinet, a really fancy helmet that had a visor, and plate armor, a really normal but effective armor made with hard metal plates, rode up on a black battlehorse.
Walter was nearby, and was expecting him. The soldier handed a piece of crumpled parchment to the toughest-looking guard that had questioned Walter when he had come to the castle. Before the guard could ask any questions, the soldier ran to his horse, and bolted off. The guards attempted pursuit, but they couldn't catch up with a horse. Spotting Walter nearby, the tough guard handed it to him, telling him to give it to Lord Leo.
"Thanks, I'll do it real quick!" Walter said truthfully, and dashed off to the keep.
Walter arrived at Lord Leo's room out of breath, and opened the door. Again, the only person in the room was Lord Leo. Walter immediately panicked. He shut the door.
Walter handed the message to Lord Leo. To Walter's surprise, Lord Leo actually read it.
"There's no use reading it, because..." Walter began, but Lord Leo cut him off.
"I have to make sure this isn't a real letter before I crumple it, rip it in half, or throw it in the fire. The letter says that our neighboring castle is under siege. It appears that it says that your father is the one under siege."
"Oh."
"See this?" asked Lord Leo. "There is no signature, which means it's probably fake. "Also, more importantly, there's no stamp with your father's coat of arms, so even more probably fake. Even more importantly, these people are so stupid and honest that it says here in small print that it's a fake." Lord Leo showed it to Walter, and then he crumpled the letter. Then he was going to throw it in the trash, but thought again. He uncrumpled the paper, and ripped it in half. Then he recrumpled it and tossed it to the trash can. The ball of paper hit the rim, rolled around the edge for a painfully long time, and at last, it tipped out of the basket.
"Dang it, I missed!" exclaimed Lord Leo. He walked towards the ball of crumpled paper, and was going to slam dunk in the basket, but he thought again. He uncrumpled the paper again, alligned the two pieces, and ripped them both in half again. Then he crumpled it again. Then he tossed it into the fire.
At that moment, Alice walked into the room. Lord Leo immediately said,"there's no need to act formal around Walter either." Alice immediately went normal mode.
"Can you tell me a story?" she asked.
"Well, I don't have a... wait a minute," Lord Leo changed his mind in midsentence. "Have I a great story for you!"
After Lord Leo had told the story titled "The Expected Message" (by Lord Leo and Walter) to Alice, they debated how they should respond to the message. As they talked it over, Walter saw that the people who had gone out of town had come back.
"If they were trying to take over the castle, we could set up a trap for them," Lord Leo suggested.
Then it hit Walter. Lord Leo's army could go out of town for an hour or two, then sneak back into the castle, and retake it. At the same time, they could find out who the culprit was! It was a plan made up by the geniuses of geniuses!
Walter quickly explained his plan.
"We could do that!" said Lord Leo.
Within one hour, Lord Leo had mustered his army. Walter hoped his plan would work, because most people like it when their plans worked. Almost everyone in town was gathering in the town square wishing Lord Leo and the other soldiers good luck. Lord Leo looked fine indeed in his expensive mithril armor. If you want to know what mithril is, it is a hard metal that can be found only in the dwarven mines that went many miles underground, going to 9.7 on the Moh's scale for hardness. It was lighter that any type of armor at the time except leather, and it was very malleable. Too bad he wouldn't get to use them.
Soon, all the preparations (not very many) were made. Lord Leo then gave a speech, much like the one he had given before the hunt a month and a half ago.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhem," boomed Lord Leo in a lordly way, pretending to clear his throat over and over until he had gotten everyone's attention. "As you all know," Lord Leo said, as he usually did at the beginning of his many speeches. "Our friend and ally, and Walter's father is apparently under siege. So the point is that we shall march over there and squish the attackers like ants, and come back with all the enemies' armor for our blacksmith to reuse. Any questions?"
Nobody had any questions. Even Walter had trouble coming up with a question.
"Alright then," said Lord Leo. "Let's go!"
Walter watched as the army, which "coincidentally" contained every single one of Lord Leo's soldiers, marched into the green green forest, making lots of noise on purpose. Many soldiers looked backwards, wondering if they would see the walls of Hasty Castle ever again. Of course, all of them did. Soon the road that the army was traveling by turned, and all Walter could see was a green green forest, in the green green land of Samravia.
"So I should be expecting a message from another kingdom," said Lord Leo thoughtfully. "Alright. I'll be prepared for that."
Many weeks passed, and no messages had come. Winter slowly faded into spring, and the snow began to melt. Walter decided that the masked men had given up on trying to take over the castle. Apparently, Walter was just too awesome for them.
Little did Walter know that, although he was awesome (like me), the bad guys were not idle.
The trade fair ended, and many people went out of town. This included many peasants, noblemen, and other people, and to Walter's relief, Merek went out with a group of peasants, too.
The fires continued, though, which meant that nobody that went out had any plans to take over the castle.
One day, a soldier wearing a bascinet, a really fancy helmet that had a visor, and plate armor, a really normal but effective armor made with hard metal plates, rode up on a black battlehorse.
Walter was nearby, and was expecting him. The soldier handed a piece of crumpled parchment to the toughest-looking guard that had questioned Walter when he had come to the castle. Before the guard could ask any questions, the soldier ran to his horse, and bolted off. The guards attempted pursuit, but they couldn't catch up with a horse. Spotting Walter nearby, the tough guard handed it to him, telling him to give it to Lord Leo.
"Thanks, I'll do it real quick!" Walter said truthfully, and dashed off to the keep.
Walter arrived at Lord Leo's room out of breath, and opened the door. Again, the only person in the room was Lord Leo. Walter immediately panicked. He shut the door.
Walter handed the message to Lord Leo. To Walter's surprise, Lord Leo actually read it.
"There's no use reading it, because..." Walter began, but Lord Leo cut him off.
"I have to make sure this isn't a real letter before I crumple it, rip it in half, or throw it in the fire. The letter says that our neighboring castle is under siege. It appears that it says that your father is the one under siege."
"Oh."
"See this?" asked Lord Leo. "There is no signature, which means it's probably fake. "Also, more importantly, there's no stamp with your father's coat of arms, so even more probably fake. Even more importantly, these people are so stupid and honest that it says here in small print that it's a fake." Lord Leo showed it to Walter, and then he crumpled the letter. Then he was going to throw it in the trash, but thought again. He uncrumpled the paper, and ripped it in half. Then he recrumpled it and tossed it to the trash can. The ball of paper hit the rim, rolled around the edge for a painfully long time, and at last, it tipped out of the basket.
"Dang it, I missed!" exclaimed Lord Leo. He walked towards the ball of crumpled paper, and was going to slam dunk in the basket, but he thought again. He uncrumpled the paper again, alligned the two pieces, and ripped them both in half again. Then he crumpled it again. Then he tossed it into the fire.
At that moment, Alice walked into the room. Lord Leo immediately said,"there's no need to act formal around Walter either." Alice immediately went normal mode.
"Can you tell me a story?" she asked.
"Well, I don't have a... wait a minute," Lord Leo changed his mind in midsentence. "Have I a great story for you!"
After Lord Leo had told the story titled "The Expected Message" (by Lord Leo and Walter) to Alice, they debated how they should respond to the message. As they talked it over, Walter saw that the people who had gone out of town had come back.
"If they were trying to take over the castle, we could set up a trap for them," Lord Leo suggested.
Then it hit Walter. Lord Leo's army could go out of town for an hour or two, then sneak back into the castle, and retake it. At the same time, they could find out who the culprit was! It was a plan made up by the geniuses of geniuses!
Walter quickly explained his plan.
"We could do that!" said Lord Leo.
Within one hour, Lord Leo had mustered his army. Walter hoped his plan would work, because most people like it when their plans worked. Almost everyone in town was gathering in the town square wishing Lord Leo and the other soldiers good luck. Lord Leo looked fine indeed in his expensive mithril armor. If you want to know what mithril is, it is a hard metal that can be found only in the dwarven mines that went many miles underground, going to 9.7 on the Moh's scale for hardness. It was lighter that any type of armor at the time except leather, and it was very malleable. Too bad he wouldn't get to use them.
Soon, all the preparations (not very many) were made. Lord Leo then gave a speech, much like the one he had given before the hunt a month and a half ago.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhem," boomed Lord Leo in a lordly way, pretending to clear his throat over and over until he had gotten everyone's attention. "As you all know," Lord Leo said, as he usually did at the beginning of his many speeches. "Our friend and ally, and Walter's father is apparently under siege. So the point is that we shall march over there and squish the attackers like ants, and come back with all the enemies' armor for our blacksmith to reuse. Any questions?"
Nobody had any questions. Even Walter had trouble coming up with a question.
"Alright then," said Lord Leo. "Let's go!"
Walter watched as the army, which "coincidentally" contained every single one of Lord Leo's soldiers, marched into the green green forest, making lots of noise on purpose. Many soldiers looked backwards, wondering if they would see the walls of Hasty Castle ever again. Of course, all of them did. Soon the road that the army was traveling by turned, and all Walter could see was a green green forest, in the green green land of Samravia.
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