Turn The Page Chapter 8 - The Expected Message

Chapter 8 - The Expected Message

     "So you're saying the madmen outside the door banging are trying to take over the castle?" said Lord Leo.

     "Exactly," said Walter.

     "We need more privacy from these..." Lord Leo selected a word that would fit. "These... complete idiots."

     Lord Leo got up from his squashy chair, and the whole wad of green suddenly poofed out. Lord Leo quickly unbolted the door. "I'd advise you to get out of sight of those guys near the door. Lord Leo started to open the door. Walter looked around, and dived headfirst under Lord Leo's green bed, and landed in a particularly uncomfortable position.

     Walter peered out from under the bed, and tried to shift to a more comfortable position without making too much noise. As soon as the door opened, he saw two masked men, with knives, ready to strike.

      "Hello," said Lord Leo casually. "What would you gentlemen be wanting?"

      The masked guys immediately dropped their weapons. "Um, we were just coming in to say hi," said the guy with no weird accent.

     "Oh," replied Lord Leo. "Well, you must be tired to have journeyed so long to say hi to me. Do come in and have a cup of tea with me, and remove your sweaty masks. They look too good for you."

     "Oh no, we couldn't possibly accept," said the same guy. "We have cups of our own, and we really must be going. "

     "Such a pity to come so far just to say hello," replied Leo, not looking disappointed at all. "Well, I hopefully won't need to see you again. And definitely don't need to get too hot as you have done in your masks." Lord Leo then promptly slammed the door in their faces, and bolted the door again. The masked men didn't knock on the door anymore.

     Walter climbed out from under the bed, grunting and groaning and rubbing his bruises. "Nice try, but those losers aren't that stupid," he said. "We need to find a way to figure out who these guys are, and if there are more of them."

     "First I need to hear what you heard from them," said Lord Leo.

     So Walter explained the whole chapter seven, replacing "Walter" with "I", and "him" with "me".  Lord Leo asked a question or two in the middle, and Walter answered the questions as best he could. After the story, the lord of the castle scratched his beard in thought.
     "So I should be expecting a message from another kingdom," said Lord Leo thoughtfully. "Alright. I'll be prepared for that."


     Many weeks passed, and no messages had come. Winter slowly faded into spring, and the snow began to melt. Walter decided that the masked men had given up on trying to take over the castle. Apparently, Walter was just too awesome for them.
      Little did Walter know that, although he was awesome (like me), the bad guys were not idle.
     The trade fair ended, and many people went out of town. This included many peasants, noblemen, and other people, and to Walter's relief, Merek went out with a group of peasants, too.
    The fires continued, though, which meant that nobody that went out had any plans to take over the castle.
     One day, a soldier wearing a bascinet, a really fancy helmet that had a visor, and plate armor, a really normal but effective armor made with hard metal plates, rode up on a black battlehorse.
     Walter was nearby, and was expecting him. The soldier handed a piece of crumpled parchment to the toughest-looking guard that had questioned Walter when he had come to the castle. Before the guard could ask any questions, the soldier ran to his horse, and bolted off. The guards attempted pursuit, but they couldn't catch up with a horse. Spotting Walter nearby, the tough guard handed it to him, telling him to give it to Lord Leo.
     "Thanks, I'll do it real quick!" Walter said truthfully, and dashed off to the keep.
     Walter arrived at Lord Leo's room out of breath, and opened the door. Again, the only person in the room was Lord Leo. Walter immediately panicked. He shut the door.
     Walter handed the message to Lord Leo. To Walter's surprise, Lord Leo actually read it.
     "There's no use reading it, because..." Walter began, but Lord Leo cut him off.
     "I have to make sure this isn't a real letter before I crumple it, rip it in half, or throw it in the fire. The letter says that our neighboring castle is under siege. It appears that it says that your father is the one under siege."
     "Oh."
     "See this?" asked Lord Leo. "There is no signature, which means it's probably fake. "Also, more importantly, there's no stamp with your father's coat of arms, so even more probably fake. Even more importantly, these people are so stupid and honest that it says here in small print that it's a fake." Lord Leo showed it to Walter, and then he crumpled the letter. Then he was going to throw it in the trash, but thought again. He uncrumpled the paper, and ripped it in half. Then he recrumpled it and tossed it to the trash can. The ball of paper hit the rim, rolled around the edge for a painfully long time, and at last, it tipped out of the basket.
     "Dang it, I missed!" exclaimed Lord Leo. He walked towards the ball of crumpled paper, and was going to slam dunk in the basket, but he thought again. He uncrumpled the paper again, alligned the two pieces, and ripped them both in half again. Then he crumpled it again. Then he tossed it into the fire.
     At that moment, Alice walked into the room. Lord Leo immediately said,"there's no need to act formal around Walter either." Alice immediately went normal mode.
     "Can you tell me a story?" she asked.
     "Well, I don't have a... wait a minute," Lord Leo changed his mind in midsentence. "Have I a great story for you!"


     After Lord Leo had told the story titled "The Expected Message" (by Lord Leo and Walter) to Alice, they debated how they should respond to the message. As they talked it over, Walter saw that the people who had gone out of town had come back.
     "If they were trying to take over the castle, we could set up a trap for them," Lord Leo suggested.
     Then it hit Walter. Lord Leo's army could go out of town for an hour or two, then sneak back into the castle, and retake it. At the same time, they could find out who the culprit was! It was a plan made up by the geniuses of geniuses!
     Walter quickly explained his plan.
     "We could do that!" said Lord Leo.
     Within one hour, Lord Leo had mustered his army. Walter hoped his plan would work, because most people like it when their plans worked. Almost everyone in town was gathering in the town square wishing Lord Leo and the other soldiers good luck. Lord Leo looked fine indeed in his expensive mithril armor. If you want to know what mithril is, it is a hard metal that can be found only in the dwarven mines that went many miles underground, going to 9.7 on the Moh's scale for hardness. It was lighter that any type of armor at the time except leather, and it was very malleable. Too bad he wouldn't get to use them.
     Soon, all the preparations (not very many) were made. Lord Leo then gave a speech, much like the one he had given before the hunt a month and a half ago.
     "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhem," boomed Lord Leo in a lordly way, pretending to clear his throat over and over until he had gotten everyone's attention. "As you all know," Lord Leo said, as he usually did at the beginning of his many speeches. "Our friend and ally, and Walter's father is apparently under siege. So the point is that we shall march over there and squish the attackers like ants, and come back with all the enemies' armor for our blacksmith to reuse. Any questions?"
     Nobody had any questions. Even Walter had trouble coming up with a question.
     "Alright then," said Lord Leo. "Let's go!"
     Walter watched as the army, which "coincidentally" contained every single one of Lord Leo's soldiers, marched into the green green forest, making lots of noise on purpose. Many soldiers looked backwards, wondering if they would see the walls of Hasty Castle ever again. Of course, all of them did. Soon the road that the army was traveling by turned, and all Walter could see was a green green forest, in the green green land of Samravia.

Turn The Page Chapter 7 - The Sewer

Chapter 7 - The Sewer

     Walter didn't hear the voices again for a long time. That, of course, meant that Walter was hearing random things in his head. Walter was still suspicious that the voices reflected some truth. It must have some connection with the organized fires. Wait, what? Of course not! If he was imagining things, it couldn't be related to the fires at all. What was Walter thinking?
     Walter thought about all this as he ate breakfast. The breakfast consisted of some simple bread. He thought he got the hard bread and the moldy cheese, but Alice told him he got the moldy bread and the hard cheese.
     It was in the middle of Winter, which was, for Walter, good. He loved snow. Everything turned from green to white overnight! Even better, the schoolmaster had decided that there would be no class today, due to snow. Even betterer, Walter liked throwing snowballs, especially at his horse.

     There was a guest today. It was not an elf or a dwarf. Today the visitor was a hobbit. The hobbit was a bit shorter than Walter, and his feet didn't touch the floor when he sat down. He had curly brown hair and wore no shoes. The hobbit did indeed look like a child. Strangely, the hobbit easily cleared both his plate and his goblet. Apparently he liked food a lot.
     Walter looked at his food. There was quite a bit less than there was when he last checked. There was no dropped food on his part of the table (nor the hobbit's as he'd licked it all up). Walter had not eaten much of his food either. He'd picked at it. There's only one logical answer, thought Walter. It must be...
     Alice! She must have stolen my food!
     Guess again, Walter. He appears not to have heard me...
     "Why'd you steal my food, Alice?" said Walter.
     "Huh?" a surprised Alice answered back. "I didn't steal your food."
     The hobbit smiled behind Walter's back.
     "It was that guy!" exclaimed Alice. The hobbit tried to act casual. Walter turned around.
     "You should've asked me if you wanted food!" said Walter to... Lord Leo.
     It seems that Walter has got it wrong again.
     "Huh?" a surprised Leo answered back. "I didn't steal your food."
     The hobbit smiled behind Walter's back.
     "It was that guy!" exclaimed Lord Leo. The hobbit tried to act casual. Walter turned around.
     "You should've asked me if you wanted food!" said Walter to... his plate.
     Let's fast-forward a bit.


     After a while, the hobbit, who still hadn't been discovered, took out a pipe, and lit it with a match. He blew a beautiful white ring of smoke. It went all the way to the ceiling, and everyone watched in amazement as it flew around the room, never breaking. At last it sailed out the exit and vanished out of sight.
     "How did you do that?" Everyone asked.
     "Never mind, I'll show you later," the hobbit said. "I must speak with Lord Leo."
     "Okay then," Lord Leo said. "Let's hear it, then."
     "I was thinking," began the hobbit. "Could we set up a trade fair? I've heard your treasury is running low.
     "Yes, it has," answered Lord Leo. "It has much less gold than usual, after we spent most of it repairing the kitchen."
     "I thought that if we held a trade fair, we would both benefit!" said the hobbit.
     "Is your treasury running low too?"
     "No, no,no. Hobbits don't have treasuries," said the hobbit. "We don't live in castles. I live in a nice little hole a mile away."
     "Alright! I demand 10% of your profit," said Lord Leo, and added quietly," Who'd want to live in a hole?"
     "Allright then," said the hobbit.
     "Wait, I can't open the market without knowing your name!" Lord Leo said.
     "Oh right! I guess I have short-term memory. My name's Drogo Underhill, nice to meet you!" The hobbit said, and went out the door to set up the trade fair.


     The trade fair was great, to say the least. He'd gotten 20 dollars this time. The fair's only drawbacks were that they were noisy, dirty, and before Walter realized it, he only had 10 dollars. Another pickpocket! Grrrr!
     Walter spent the rest of the money quickly to make sure they weren't taken (and regretted it immediately because there was some really good food just ahead). 


     Walter headed towards the place where he practiced his combat skills every day. But then, something really bad came over Walter. It was really really really really really bad.
     Walter had to go to the restroom! It was doomsday!
     Walter reluctantly shuffled toward the restroom.
     The restroom was horrible. There was a stone floor with small holes to let liquids seep in and get drained away. The restroom, more often called a garderobe had not-so-comfortable bumpy stone seats that felt cold when you sat on them, and the smell coming out of the middle of it would make anyone pass out from stinkiness, and then fall down an 80-foot long shaft, where waste decomposed. In short, the restroom was not a very pleasant place.
      "Yes, it's almost time."
      "Soon, da castle shall be mine!"
     "You mean ours."
     "Yeah, dat's wat I said. Mine!"
     Walter could hear the voices in his head again. Walter listened on.
     "Anyways," said the first voice. "We need uh plan B, y'know, in case plan A doesn't work."
     Walter was surprised to hear this in his own mind, because he didn't get all this stuff about As and Bs. As you know, language was not one of his strong suits.
     "And an escape in case when we get caught," continued the first voice.
     Walter wondered what all of this meant. Was he predicting the future? Was he going insane? He probably was insane, because the voices seemed to be coming from down the toilet.
     "Wait, what?" said Walter.
     Walter poked his head into the hole, as far as he could go, without being stinkified. He was quite used to it by now, though it still smelled really bad. Walter could smell the waft of the dirty shaft, even through his mouth, and if you can taste the air, it means you definitely shouldn't smell it. The voices got louder. Oh no! Thought Walter, using his limited deductive reasoning. - some guy is trying to take over the castle!
     Walter quickly pulled his pants up, and rushed down to the ground level, and dashed outside.
     Walter was met with a blast of cold from outside. The snow was thicker than when he'd went to the restroom.
     Walter went to the stables and lay down on the ground. There were the sounds again. Walter realized what it was that he'd been hearing. He wasn't insane after all! Yes! That was the most important thing! Oh, wait, it wasn't. Oops, for a moment Walter had forgot about the evil guys. The sound was coming from the sewer! What a clever way to meet in secret.
     Walter got up and looked around for an entrance besides the garderobe. Quickly, he spotted an entrance. It was fancy, green, and Walter remembered going through it many times. Wrong door, that was the main entrance to the keep. Walter looked around again.
     He turned circles, and walked right into Stormbringer, who was so white that, being covered with snow, he looked gray. All horses have a blind spot right in front of them because their eyes are at the sides. Stormbringer couldn't see Walter, and for a moment he panicked. Walter quickly marched into view and put his hand on Stormbringer to tell him that he was there. Walter was too focused on finding an entrance to the sewer to notice that Stormbringer wasn't even in his stable.
     Walter continued to search for a sewer entrance as the snow continued to fall. Soon he found an entrance. It was brown with rust. Definitely not the main entrance to the keep. There was an equally rusty handle. Walter grabbed at the handle. Immediately bajillions of rust particles flaked off. Walter pulled the handle. There was a creak that was so loud that you must have been able to hear it a mile off. Walter slipped inside the hole, grunting very loudly.
     There were rusty, bumpy ladders, and Walter grabbed them and started down. Down, down, down he went. Walter went down about 6 feet (he's six feet under!). Suddenly, he missed his footing. He was left hanging by his hands. Walter couldn't get back onto the ladder! He started to lose his grip. He let go, and down, down, down he fell. A bad way to die! Thought Walter as he fell. Walter landed on his feet. Nothing happened. No great pain. Walter reached up, and realized that he couldn't have fallen more than 6 inches.
     The sounds of the 2 conspirators were echoing through the sewer. Walter wiped the rust off his hands, and tried to take a closer look at the tunnel. It was almost pitch black. Every few feet, there was a beam of sunlight from another sewer entrance, but that didn't help much. And wow, it was stinky down there! Walter was smelling years and years of waste dropped down garderobe pipes and being decomposed. Not a very sweet smell.
     The sounds were coming from somewhere to Walter's leftish side, and that's where he wentish.
     He hadn't traveled so far enough that he couldn't remember where the entrance was. That didn't matter anyway, because there were tons of entrances right above him. He turned a corner, and he saw bright torchlight. At least it seemed bright from the gloom of where Walter was. Against the wall, Walter could see the shadows of 2 men sitting down.
     "I think we should send a fake letter from a neighboring castle," said one person.
     "How 'bout that Walter Crewe guy's father?" said the other guy.
     "We could do that. You'll be the messenger, and then we can take over the castle when the stupid lord of the castle is gone."
     Walter had a silent fight with himself. One voice in his head, Walter's "neutral" voice, kept on repeating, "Lord Leo's not stupid!"
     Another voice, that Walter regarded as the negative voice in his head, said that he should stay there and eavesdrop. Walter respected the negative voice, because it helped get him out of many sticky situations. Then again, it got him into some too. That voice wasn't bad. It was just negative.
     The positive voice said he should sneak out of the sewer and report the intel he had received. The positive voice wasn't necessarily good either. Walter trusted it more, but he never got any fun when he only listened to the positive side.
     The neutral side couldn't decide which side to take. Walter visualized the two voices having a fight. The fight was fierce. The negative side cornered the positive side, but the negative slipped, and the positive side kicked the negative thought in the face. The negative thought lay on the ground for 10 seconds. Knockout.
     Walter made a step back to the entrance. Then he made another step. There was a small splashing noise.
     The two shadows halted. Walter stopped moving and tried not to breathe. The breath might echo.
     "Whuzzat!" hollered one person.
     "Shhhhhhh!" said the other. "The echoes here are loud. Lord Leo might hear us. It was probably dripping water or some poo."
     Walter tiptoed back towards the entrance. Suddenly he tripped over a smooth stone, and with a SPLASH and a "Woah!" Walter splashed into the water, filled with poo. Ugh!
      "Now don't tell me dat was a bucket of water and a stone dropping inta the water!"
      "It probably was, but let's see!"
     Walter ran for it, and reached the entrance and furiously climbed the ladders.Walter went about halfway up, and looked down. The two guys groped for Walter's feet. In the dark, Walter couldn't make out their faces. Walter kicked at one person's head. He couldn't tell if he'd hit his mark or not, but there was an "OW!" like a medieval Michael Jackson a second later. Walter scrambled up the ladder, with the bad guys on his heels.
     Walter scrambled up the last bit of the ladder, and opened the hatch.
     "It's the darn hobbit!" said one bad guy.
      A brownish hand caught Walter's leg as Walter climbed out of the sewer. Walter kicked hard, and squished his dirty shoe into the person's head again (which told the bad guys that it wasn't the hobbit, as hobbits didn't wear shoes). Walter quickly slammed the door into someone's masked face. Walter heard an "oof!" from the people as they tumbled down the entrance. Walter paused to gain his breath. This was a mistake, as the sewer people climbed up the ladder again. Realizing that the hatch was opening again, Walter ran over with his wooden lance, and thrust hard into the entrance. With another "oof", the people fell down again.
     Walter ran before the people could see him again. Walter ran all the way to Lord Leo's room, and slowed down, and prepared his manners in case Lady Loreena or Alice was there. Walter knocked, and walked in. He saw that Lord Leo was the only one there, sitting at the supergreen comfy squashy chairs, and immediately started panicking. Walter grabbed the door, and saw people's shadows coming up the green stairs. Walter slammed the door and bolted it right in the bad guy's face. Walter believed that the door actually did hit someone's head.
     "Umm, what's going on?" asked Lord Leo.

Turn The Page Chapter 6 - Another Day In The Life of Walter

Chapter 6 - Another Day In The Life Of Walter

      Another three weeks had passed, with minor fires that were put out within a minute, Walter chewed some tough, chewy pork from his plate (and dug up another arrowhead). Then he ate some extra-green green greens.

     It was Friday again. Thank god! thought Walter, because it was it was the last day he had to take the boring class with the schoolmaster before the weekend. Then again, he was going to take a test.

     Walter trudged toward the schoolroom. Soon he arrived five minutes late, which was a record (it was the earliest he'd ever been).
     "Itareatcord!" said the schoolmaster. (translation:it's a record!)
     "What's an eatcord?" asked Walter.
     "Nonononono it a reatcord!"
     "Whatever," said Walter, and the lesson began. All the time, there were voices going on inside his brain about the culprits of the fires.
     "Blablablablabla!" blabbed the schoolmaster. "Reeyouleestining?" (translation: blablablablabla. Are you listening?)
     "Yes I am. You just talked about the, um, um, the, the thing you were talking about," Walter said.
     "Correct!" The only things Walter could understand from the schoolmaster were the things he wanted to hear.
     "Ooright!" blabbed the master. "Testime!" (translation: allright, test time!)
     The schoolmaster handed Walter a piece of paper and a pencil dull quill. It was probably dullened by the teacher, who was even more dull. Any good author should know how to create new words when they need them.
     On the test sheet, there was a bunch of scribbly handwriting that Walter couldn't read.
     "beeeegin!" said the schoolmaster.
     "Um, you must have forgotten I can't read..." said Walter.
     "oopsie," said the schoolmaster. "1st questeen. Write dee latter "A"."
     Walter understood, and tried to write the letter A. He ended up with an upside-down O (ha-ha hee-hee). The test, in the least, was very very hard. Walter kept writing a letter and realizing there was another letter that looked exactly the same, but was supposed to mean something else. Then he'd have to figure out which was which.
     After the test, the schoolmaster took down Walter's score, and handed him a piece of paper.
     "Seays ur gradie. Lord Leo sine!"
     On the sheet was a big fat C. Walter read it as "F", and thought he was going to be punished or something.

     "Class dismissed!" Said the schoolmaster, and this time Walter heard it clearly.



     Walter crumpled up the report card, stuffed it in his pocket, and went to the place where he practiced his combat skills every day. He saddled up Stormbringer, his very white horse, and took a lance and shield from the weapons rack nearby.
     The 1st smarty was waiting there on his wooden horse, staring in concentration at Walter, trying to calculate the way to outsmart him.
     Walter dug his heels into Stormbringer's sides, and the pony charged.
     Both the fighters stared at each other in concentration. Walter stared at the dummy. The smarty stared at the human. There was a clomping of hooves from both sides (more coming from Walter's and almost none coming from the hourse [the wooden horse was so smart that it could tell time]).
     The riders clashed. Walter missed, and the smarty hit Walter on the center of the shield. He barely managed to cling on to his horse.
     Walter heaved some deep breaths. The score was 0-1, with the dummy winning. After both sides had rested, it was time for the second round.
     Walter pressed his heels into his horse again. The horse charged. Walter bashed the center of the smarty's shield, but the smarty was too quick, and twirled around. It hit Walter on the chest, and Walter couldn't breathe properly for a few minutes. 0-2.
     When Walter regained his breath, he pressed his pony forward again. This time Walter hit it square in the chest, but the smarty was always one step ahead of him, and it hit Walter's face, though with minimal damage. A little bit of blood dripped from his nose.
     When... "0-3!" screamed the smarty.
     As I was saying, when Walter's nose dried up, Walter did another round. He hit the dummy on the face. The dummy wheeled around and scraped Walter's shoulder.
     Walter had won the... "1-3!" screamed Walter.
     You guys should stop cutting me off. Anyways, Walter had won the round. Walter wheeled around for one last time, and charged. He dug his heels in harder. Faster, thought Walter. He dug his heels in more. Moar! thought Walter.
     The two riders clashed once again. There was a splintering, smacking noise, and Walter's lance charged straight through the dummy.
     Stormbringer couldn't slow down in time, and Walter, clinging to the lance, was unhorsed. He bumped and butted heads with the dummy (they never agreed) and Walter couldn't hold on, and crashed to the ground. His head hurt. A lot.
     He could hear voices in his head. Voices from deep, deep underground discussing how they would try to take over the castle.
     Walter just lay there listening to the voices. He recognized one of them, but couldn't remember who it was. "Naw, dat won't werk. B'sides, it ain't gonna delay dem fer long enough!"
     After a few minutes of listening Walter got up, and the voices stopped.
     I'm hearing voices in my head! thought Walter.
     Walter pulled his lance out of the dummy, and put his weapons away. Then, much to the disappointment of Stormbringer, who had counted on the headache to make Walter forget, led him back to his stable. Then he stumbled into his bedroom and immediately went to bed.